Friday, October 31, 2014

A Bureaucrat Went to a Seminar


That's usually how it begins.

And presto--registration, hotel, meals and mileage later--a new program pops up.
Roll out the concept.
Give it "weight" by advertising it in the newspaper under the city's redesigned logo and banner.

No matter that it's at odds with something called "appropriate timing".
Or rolled out despite timing.

Consider the City of Vernon's Boulevard Tree Program.
(Bureaucrat:  Ignore the satirical URL: "lifestyles", "sustainability".)

It appears that the City of Vernon has a "tree canopy goal", as referenced in the document.
Who knew?
Sure trees have a canopy; their branches also hang down and extend outwards in all directions.
Some of them have roots that do that too.

I heard of an East Hill "bylaw infraction" just last week:   
The owner was contacted by a Vernon Bylaw officer and given less than a week--before being fined--to prune an elm tree's profusion of stringy branches "overhanging a sidewalk" (but rooted in the owners back yard), and up-prune branches of a maple tree that was "reducing driver visibility".

But when I read the program's additional benefit:  "increase infrastructure longevity", I could almost hear laughter.

The same property owner had plumbing issues a few years ago...slow running drains.  A plumber was hired, then another a year later -- this time with a pipe camera.  The plumber's camera (an unrelated 7-minute video is here) showed a break exactly where the property's drain connected to the city's sewer at the property line.  And, yup, you guessed it!  "You can't fight City Hall" came to mind as this result proves:  The City of Vernon said the problem began on the homeowner's side of the sewer connection!

But the REAL issue with the City's Boulevard Tree Program is timing.

Haven't we sucked in our collective breath on receiving the October quarterly water invoice?
Haven't we heard that golf courses are about to go belly-up because even effluent water rates are spiking?
A recent commenter on a blog story offered:  5 or 6 Middleton Mountain residents told the landscaper they were shocked to see October water bills of between $350 and $500...

So, it's with amusement we read further on the City's boulevard tree program:

"Residents will be responsible for basic ongoing care, including watering and weeding
(and) sign a commitment to provide this care for the tree(s) next to their property"

Watering?
Huh?
In an attempt to prevent additional bylaw officer tours--via his City-provided-and-fuelled vehicle, I'd bet a sunny summer day the East Hill property owner will not ask the City to plant boulevard trees in front of his residence.

Wonder if anyone will notice that another "benefit" of a boulevard tree is that it "improves views".

Graphic of Edmonton's planned boulevard tree program.

"I can still see the Speedo-suited neighbour mowing his lawn," complains Kia, "so much about improving views".


You'll see him forever because branches lower down the trunk aren't allowed...

Maybe he'll move next door to the bureaucrat...

1 comment:

  1. How times change. When we first lived in Vernon we rented a grand old house in the East Hill. There were pollarded maple tree on the boulevard. these were old trees that were regularly cut back by the city which of course stimulated vigorous suck growth. I remember spending two days to bag the leaves of these trees, large maple leaves though pretty are difficult rake. And so it went. Pruning and raking until one year a nice gentleman I assumed from the city asked if I would mind if these trees could be removed. I almost hugged the guy. Of course I responded ,cut them down,That fall no more twenty four bags of wet maple leaves raked of a city boulevard. Apparently things have changed.
    Cheers, Shawn Lee

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